"I want to marry. What do I do now?"

Your request is a noble one. I, too, prayed for God to bring the right girl into my life and he did, and it has been wonderful ever since. When praying for a lifetime mate, I think it is important to ask God to do the bringing. Some men and women set their sights on a particular person and pray that God will help that person to love them so they can get married. However, unless God is in the mix, making the decision many times they suffer.

Reminds me of the joke about a visit to a mental institution where two different people are beating their heads against the padded walls—one in misery because he didn't win Linda's love, the other in misery because he did. You don't want that.

So, here is a little booklet that should help you in your decision making process:

Marriage and the Home

Many young couples take this course in preparation for marriage and find a number of time-tested rules for developing a happy home. As they study this 160-page course by Rex Jackson, family members learn to appreciate each other more by learning the basic principles of proper relationships in the home. God established marriage and the family is the building block of society. Without strong family units, the church cannot be what God intended for it to be. This course deals with all of the aspects of marriage and home that make the family the strong unit that the church rests upon. The booklet is also available in print and audio.

Here is also, some advice I gave a couple that I married:

Fortunately, the Bible gives us a lengthy description of love. It says in 1 Cor. 13:4-8 that—

Love is patient:

Love doesn’t throw a tantrum fit when you are late for an appointment and she is still trying to find the mate to the one that she is hobbling around the house on!

Love is kind:

Love doesn’t chew her out when she sideswipes the mail box with your brand new car! She feels bad enough; why make her feel even worse?

It is not jealous:

Love doesn’t get all huffy when she spends more time with the kids than she does with you. Or chats with her sister over the phone while you putter around waiting for her to bring some real excitement into your life.

Love is not pompous:

In other words, you don’t strut around thinking “boy is she lucky that she got such a fine fellow as me!”

Love is not inflated:

Now, I’ve done a lot of thinking about just what this means, and I have come to the conclusion that it means among many things that love does not parade your wife around as some kind of trophy . . . she is not a trophy wife. Inevitably, all trophy wives end up disappointing and even embarrassing their spouses in public at times. That goes for trophy husbands, too! So, not matter how goofy he or she acts, just remember that that may be something to work on behind closed doors when you get home; but when it is all said and done, they are still your husband or wife for life because you love them! Period!

Love is not rude:

And, since love is not rude, just remember that when and if you bark at her, especially in public, it is only a reflection of your nasty behavior.

Love does not seek its own interests:

It has always amazed me how many guys get away with buying boats, and 4 wheelers, motorcycles and red pickup trucks; and still insisting that mama work from 9 to 5, come home clean dirty kids faces, cook dinner, and . . . need I go any farther?

How well I remember, once on mother’s day, we had a couple over and we had a good meal with ice cream and pie and all the trimmings. So, when it came time to clean up the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher I said, “I am going to volunteer Mr. DoDo here— the lady’s husband— to help me clean up the table and you ladies go sit in the living room and relax. Well, you guessed it. Mr. DoDo would not budge. Even though I repeated the invitation several times as well as did his wife. No, he was the one that retired to a cushy chair and proceeded to read a magazine. Finally the girls chipped in and we finished the job. And, by the way, that is when I named him Mr. DoDo.

Love is not quick-tempered, [nor does] it brood over injury, [nor] does rejoice over wrongdoing [In other words, it doesn’t get a smile on its face when it gets one over on her or him].

It bears all things— puts up with everything.

Love believes all things— yes, she is always telling you the truth, unless circumstances prove differently!

Love, the Bible also says in these verses, hopes all things— in other words; love believes that she will improve with time.

And if she doesn’t, love, the Bible says, endures all things.

Then Paul ends this beautiful passage by saying— Love never fails. (1 Cor 13:4-8)

And, may I assure you that if you live up to these expectations your marriage will never fail either. So, the success or failure of this marriage depends on you as an individual. Make it your task to make it work.

So, although, it is extremely important to marry the right person, it is more important to be the right person. Learn to love. Make that you primary responsibility!

Now, in closing, I would like to give you 4 reasons most people experience misery in their marriage.

According to Erwin Lutzer these 4 reasons are:

1. Unrealistic expectations: Some people think marriage will make them happy.
2. The myth of greener grass: Many are on the slippery slope of "What if…?"

Lutzer tells a joke about a visit to a mental institution where two different people are beating their heads against the padded walls—one in misery because he didn't win Linda's love, the other in misery because he did.

3. A misunderstanding of the role of conflict: Incompatibility is precisely how we grow.

When I was teaching Marriage and Family in the university, I always made it a point to ask the students if their parents ever squabbled, or disagreed openly with one another. Most of the students confessed that they had seen their parents quarrel. One day, a girl from a family of 8, raised her hand and said, “Never!” “Wow!” I said, before I thought. “That’s not a good sign!” Of course, she wanted to know ‘why’. I said, “Because they are not communicating.” 5 years later, unfortunately, the couple divorced, but it did not surprise me. Communication is the key to any good marriage, and is the Bible way of “speaking the truth in love!” (Ephesians 4:15)

4. A failure to distinguish between human love and divine love.

Jesus gives two important statements on love from the Sermon on the Mount.

Statement one: If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?

Human love depends on the person who is loved. We tend to love people who are beautiful and/or have great personality.

Statement two: Love your enemies.

Divine love is based on the lover, so it can love even enemies.

A couple asks a pastor to approve their divorce, because there's no feeling left. The pastor tells the husband to love his wife as Christ loved. He says, "I can't do that." The pastor says to love her as he'd love himself. He says he can't. The pastor says, "The Bible says love your enemies. Begin there."

A wife tells a lawyer she wants a divorce, and wants to hurt her husband in the process. The lawyer suggests being kind and speaking well of her husband for three months, then drop the bomb, because that'll hurt even more. She follows the lawyer's advice…and the marriage is saved.

When people are hard to love, it's an opportunity for us to grow in Christ. And, this leads me to my favorite verse in Scripture— that is, Romans 8:28

Now, lastly, remember to keep it in focus that the Holy Spirit is the best resource for loving the unlovable.